"I see myself as these girls protector. As a man, that makes me feel good."
My friend Troy said those words last week. Troy started an organization with the simple vision of providing young girls who are destined for forced marriage or brothel work a way to be educated instead. He works to trade brothel life for real life. I like that he does that and I was inspired by his work.
I was also struck by his perspective about how is gender is tied to his calling. He is not ignorant. He knows that these girls are being led into brothels in order to satiate the sinful desires of men. He also knows (and articulated) that there is not as large of a chasm between lustfully staring at video online and actually purchasing a real girl. The line that we pretend exists is not as fully formed as most of us would like to believe. Troy sees his work as actively rebelling against his own sin and the sin of ilk. I find that much more appealing than simply trying not to fail. I guess I like action.
I have been thinking about Troy today as I have been trying to sort through my emotions after the shootings in Oregon and now Connecticut. I realized that when I heard that the shooters were young men it barely registered. Of course they were young men. Just like the shooters at Columbine. And Timothy McVeigh. And most of the perpetrators and violent and sexual crime.
As a campus missionary, I spend quite a bit of time thinking about young guys. Young guys are increasingly absent from Christian community. Young guys are also increasingly absent to their families. Don't get me wrong, some young guys are awesome. My friend Andrew is leaving Pullman today as a new graduate. He is a man of God and a man of integrity. I know many guys like him at WSU and Whitman. But I also know droves of men who simply refuse to grow up. They don't know if they have what it takes, and seem disinterested in finding out. Video games trump real experiences and women exist for their pleasure.
My last year in college I led a men's bible study. Let me tell you, I knew what men on campus needed. I knew how they had fallen short. I was going to be the guy to call them out. Many good things came out of that study. People decided to follow Jesus and a critical mass of men came together each week. But as the year wore on, I noticed that my definition of masculinity was narrow. It was so narrow, that guys either found themselves unwelcome in the community, or subtly pushed into faking their own masculinity in order to belong. As a result, I have mostly put men's ministry on the back burner since. After all, if I don't have the answers, then what do I have to contribute?
Lately, I have been trying to repent of that attitude. Even before Troy spoke, I felt a stirring inside of me. What about men? If church is not reaching them, then what will? I feel this even more strongly today.
The reality is, for millions of people in the world, men are the perpetrators of violence towards them. Whether that person in a young girl in Bangladesh or a child survivor in Connecticut. Troy's role as protector is increasingly not how men are perceived. We are the depraved and absent ones, not the ones who fight to be a voice for the voiceless or protectors of the weak. This is sad.
I know that many of my female friends may exclaim, "I don't need to be protected!". And for many of them, this may be true. For some of my guy friends, they may feel insecure about their manhood or physical prowess. Guess what, me too! I believe that biblical masculinity is not synonymous with misogyny. I have been led by, as well as leading women. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I am certainly not arguing for violence. Jesus says, "Those who live by the sword, will die by the sword.". I happen to agree with him. I am talking about using worldly power for other people's gain. I am talking about being present to families and communities. I am talking about bringing up uncomfortable topics because it is the right thing to do. I am talking about praying with urgency because these are urgent times that require heart and soul engagement.
I know for some people, this is the last week for the whole world. For others, we are in a period of "rebirth". Personally, I try not to assign special meaning to numbers or dates (plus I happen to think that Jesus meant it when he said "no one will know the time or date"). But I do sense a quiet desperation in people who just feel hopeless. Job market sucks, apparently we are going over a fiscal cliff, the Middle East is increasingly violent and North Korea is launching rockets. It feels safer to remain disengaged, or to retreat into realities that you feel like you can do something in (see: games, video).
Troy went to law school and found some girls that needed help. What will I do? Who will I fight for?
Peter was a loud-mouthed coward, who became the "Rock" and could be counted on to lead a church.
Jacob was a slimy mama's boy, who became someone who could wrestle with God.
Moses was an ill-tempered rich kid, who became was able to lead people through harsh desert life for 40 years.
I want to know less about who I have been and more about the man I am becoming. And I want some guys to walk with me in the process.
Whose coming with?
