what hold does depression have on us?

Why do we hurt ourselves? Why do we kill ourselves? Why do we dream of death?

Is it psychological issue? Do we have too few shrinks?

Is it a chemical issue? Do we have too few pharmacies?

Is it a spiritual issue? Do we simply need more pastors?

Is it a loneliness issue? Do we need to start to be nice to each other?

I don't know, I simply am lost on this issue. I want to have words, I want to have something that I can say that will prevent kids from cutting. I want to have something to pray that will stop college aged suicide. I want to have breathing exercises that will remove the need for drugs.

But I don't.

I know that we were created to live, yet so many of us choose to die. And I think that it is getting worse.

Please pray for my friends. Too many are going down the path injuring and trying to kill themselves. Pray that life would come in and defeat death.

Pray for your friends. I know that I am not alone in having people I love standing on the ledge.

Pray for life.

boondock saints

I just got done watching Boondock Saints. I am still wondering about what the implications of this movie. I know that it is about the most popular movie on college campuses these days. I am still wondering what that means. So while I am working on this, I am wondering what whoever is reading this thinks. If you have seen the movie please let me know what you thought!

created in His image

What if I saw Him in you?

What if you were not the guy who cut me off,

The woman falling out her top,

The politician I don't agree with,

Or the cop who gave me a ticket?

What if you were not the teacher I respect,

The woman who gave birth to me,

Or the man who baptized me?

What if you were not the porn star I used to Google,

The musician I worshiped,

Or the friend I got high with?

What if you were His?

Made in His image,

Given His gifts,

Blessed with His love?

After all,

You are.

convert me

I want the best. I want to read the best books, watch the best movies, drink the best drink and eat the best food.

When I think that I have or know the best, I share it with all. Here is a scoop, Lumines is fantastic game, if you have a PSP, buy it! If you want to see the finest film I have ever seen, rent Shawshank Redemption, and for my money, Bucers (a Moscow coffee shop) is the best drip coffee I have ever had.

I also believe that Jesus Christ is God's only son and is God Himself. It is in Him and Him alone that all people have access to God.

My guess is that while Lumines, Shawshank and Bucers may of been statements that you agreed with or disagreed with, my claim about Jesus elicited a much stronger reaction. My question is, why? Obviously my statement about Jesus was stronger and ultimately more important than my taste in games, movies or coffee, so it is logical that feelings should be stronger about that belief. However, doesn't also stand to reason that I should be more excited and even forceful about my belief is Jesus than about coffee?

Sadly, this is not the case for me usually. See, like most people I am a natural evangelist. I evangelize for everything. Rarely are my opinions anything less than "epic" as Donan calls them. When I am excited about any new toy or song or movie I tell everyone about it. But I am shy about evangelizing in the name of Jesus. Why?

I think a lot of it has to do with my desire to not to offend people. I am afraid that people will fin me intolerant. Or irrelevant. Or just a jerk. The reality is that people may draw just those conclusions. After all, doesn't the old adage go, "don't talk about religion or politics in polite company"? It seems that to evangelize a religious viewpoint just isn't nice or polite. Shill your coffee instead!

I think I need to call BS on this old polite adage. How can I love anyone if I keep my mouth shut about what I believe to be most important? If I believe that the God of the Universe is really interested in saving, loving and living in my closest friends, then someone explain to me how an offer of that is anything less than loving.

In 2004, my dad and I were on very different sides of the political fence. We both had deeply held beliefs about the presidential election, and for both of us, those beliefs were at least in part, rooted in our mutually shared Christianity. So did we do the "polite" thing and just be quiet for a few months? No we actually dialogued about the election and faith. Through a series of emails, my dad and I (in love) articulated our beliefs and though we never convinced each other of anything, we knew each other much better at the end.

A presidential election is very important, one of the most important events this earth offers. If there was such value in that dialogue, then how much more is there conversations about God? If God is real and has revealed Himself...isn't that important for all of us to wrestle with?

So I guess the point of this email is that there are more important things in the world than politeness. I want to invite all who are reading this to enter in to respectful dialogue with each other and those around us. If you are reading this and your beliefs are different than my own, I want you to not be afraid to talk to me and yes, even try and convince why I should smell what you are cooking. If you have read this thing, then you know my beliefs on a lot of things, if you think I am wrong, and you feel that I am wrong about something important, then love me by trying to correct me! If you are just curious as to why I said something, you can ask!

And really, try out Lumines, Shawshank and Bucer's drip. They are all really fantastic.

"come and see"

When Andrew first met Jesus, he inquired as to where Jesus was staying. Jesus responded by telling him to, "come and see". Andrew, with his companion did as Jesus said, they spent the whole day with him. After one day with Jesus, Andrew was so excited, that he found his brother Simon and told him that he had found the long promised Messiah. 

The next day, Jesus met Phillip and told him to follow. Phillip did as he was told. He was so impressed with Jesus, that he sought out Nathaniel. When he found Nathaniel he invited him to meet Jesus. When Nathaniel scoffed at Jesus' hometown, Phillip invited Nathaniel again. What was his invitation? He invited Nathaniel to "come and see". 

With Jesus it just seems to work that way. The invitation is rarely "sit and listen" or "read and learn". Scripture has no space for felt boards or even well-intentioned blogs. If you want to met or know Jesus, words never work. His miracles sound to wonky, his parables are clever, but not revolutionary on first listen (give em time...). Jesus needs to be met. He needs to be experienced. To get Jesus, you need to "come and see". 

I confess that I like clever words. I like books. I like apologetics. I get excited by well-written sermons and good post-modern Christian literature. But I am not a Jesus follower for any of these reasons. I did not chose to allow Jesus to be my teacher because someone finally explained away the problem of evil, or convinced me that I truly had free will. I chose to follow Jesus because I came and saw Him. I prayed and I met Him. I worshiped and I felt His presence. As I studied His biography, something tugged at me that was not at all intellectual. When I feel far from Jesus now, no amount of conversation or study can match simply "being" with Jesus. 

John 1 (where I got the stories above) is short on fireworks. But we see some intangible something about Jesus. These men simply spend a day with Jesus and their entire lives change. They become disciples. 

So if you are reading this today I invite you to "come and see" Jesus. Go to church on Sunday, you can sit in the back if you want. Read a gospel, or as much as you can right now. Stop reading this blog and simply say "Jesus, if You're there I want to come and see You", then simply start talking about your day and wait to see if He responds. Let's face it, if Jesus won't meet with us, then I have dedicated my life to a fraud. But I bet, if we go to see Him, He will show up to meet with us. 

lost in a cloud

As I am writing this blog I am listening to The Transfiguration by Sufjan Stevens. The song ends by repeating: 

Lost in a cloud a voice: Have no fear! We draw near!

Lost in a cloud, a sign: Son of Man! Turn your ear!

Lost in a cloud, a voice: Lamb of God! We draw near!

Lost in a cloud a sign: Son of Man! Son of God!

The cloud being referenced is the cloud hiding the face of the Father, when He spoke of Jesus, to Peter, James and John on a mountainside. Jesus has just stood along side Moses and Elijah (Israels two greatest leaders/prophets) and was transfigured from a lowly carpenter into a the Lord in all His glory. 

I have read this story since I was a child, but Stevens has helped me go somewhere else. I have always stayed on the surface of the story; Jesus has been revealed as Lord, He is greater than Israel's prophets and is being affirmed by the Father. I felt very intelligent when I first put together that God's glory had been personified as a cloud during the Jews time wandering the dessert. It all fit so neatly, Jesus is clearly the greatest of all Jews, the messiah, God Himself. 

This is all true. 

But the cloud never meant a thing to me. It's just a cloud. 

This is no ordinary cloud though. This cloud engulfs them (Matthew 9:34), they are as Stevens puts it "lost in a cloud". 

I have grown obsessed with this song and as result, this piece of scripture over the past week. I want to be lost in that cloud. I am tired of the rest of the world. I am tired of my questions, my doubts, my responsibilities. I want to be in the cloud. I want to be engulfed in the presence of God. I want that foreboding cloud in the distance, the cloud that leads the way, to be close. 

wither

he is the vine, we are the branches

we are told to love, but we cannot

we are told to serve, but we want more

we are told to embrace the unembracable, but we shy away

he is the vine, we are the branches

we are told to love mercy, but we thirst for vengence

we are told to turn the other cheek, but we fear pain

we are told to be humble, but we want to know

he is the vine, we are the branches 

we are told to wait, but we squirm

we are told to recieve, but we are proud

we are asked to be intimate, but we are ashamed

he is the vine, we are the branches

paul

My friend Paul is a great guy. People always need a Paul in their lives. Paul is a constant servant, he always makes time for people and he loves to do things for his friends. Some people simply want to tell you how much they like you, or perhaps more telling, they want to convince you that they really are good people. Paul isn't like that, Paul will work his fingers to the bone to show you that he loves you.

Paul is not a well educated guy. He is not a professor or a theologian. He loves Jesus, but isn't all that interested in trying to tell other people the answers. Paul has never really figured out to condemn people...maybe his life has something to do with that.

Paul you see, in an alcoholic. For years he drank too much. Maybe it had something to do with seeing too many war-time duties. Paul never knew how to discern when he had too much, of course until the day he decided not to drink anymore. Never had a drop after that.

Paul also smokes. He knows he should stop, but it's a nasty habit you see. Besides, he already has the emphysema, so is it really worth stopping? Oh, and don't count on that emphysema thing keeping Paul from refinishing a table, painting a bathroom, building a garden or working on any other project that needs done.

Paul loves his wife, Bonnie. He talks about her all the time. She is the prettiest, smartest, most patient woman in the world, if you ask Paul. He cannot make it through a conversation without talking about Bonnie. Sadly, Bonnie passed away about three years ago, even though you would never know it by the way he talks about her.

Paul also loves the Raiders. I guess not anyone is perfect.

Paul just does things the right way, he doesn't know any better.

About eight months ago Paul took a job working at a church. He would be paid moderately, but he would be able to move out of his truck and into an apartment in the church. He took the job and did the right thing, and the right thing was to work hard. Despite his emphysema he got his jobs done, even if that meant working late into the night.

I don't know if Paul was working late last night when the shooter entered the church. He may have been working on one of his many projects. What I do know is where Paul was shot...in the church office. By the phone. Paul made a choice and it wasn't to hide in his well hidden apartment. Paul chose instead, to make for the office, for the phone. Paul never made the call he tried to make. He was shot too soon for that.

Paul did, however, die as he lived. He died doing things the right way.

My friend, enjoy your new life without emphysema. Enjoy your new life without loneliness. Keep living the right way.

I love you.

a call to live

I have a confession for everyone... I am bored.

Bored, bored, bored.

I am bored of overly choreographed worship. I am bored of TV. I am bored with DVD's, video games, even (just a little bit) with sports.

All of it simply reeks of familiarity, it feels like I have seen it or experienced all too many times before. I want live an abundant life, but somehow, somewhere I have settled for a redundant one.

But I have to ask; does anyone really have the answer to that which ails me? Really? Is there anyone out there, any real saints or real sinners who can tell me what it means to truly live?

I have tried pretty hard a more worldly route. I have drank nights away, with only slight recollections to tell me what I missed the morning after. But those nights rarely ever led to any epic life giving morning. They were depressingly like each night that came before them. The script remained the same: Drink. Smoke something that would have me coughing for two days. Tell all my friends how much I loved them (which was very true, though I only seemed capable to say it when intoxicated). Hit on some girls. Abuse myself with a cookie sheet, a bush, or occasionally a lighter and then go to bed somewhere I never intended to. Repeat.

Is that really an epic or abundant way to live? I craved stories, something that would impress others, or make me some sort of legend. However, most those nights filled no real hole, except a legit desire to see my buddies.

But do Christians really offer a better path? As a Christian male I know that an entire Christian industry has formed around a basic acknowledgment that we are bored by Christianity. For awhile I found a lot of satisfaction in that industry, but I am no hunter or camper. I have lots of friends who are not Christians who feel manly out in the woods. I don't. I have to believe that Christ's promise of an abundant life still applies to me, as wussy as city life has made me.

Recently I thought that maybe abundant life would meet me if I took better care of my body, if I could simply do away with all of the pesky insecurities of the way I look, then life would suddenly grow easier and more exciting. So I changed the way I eat and started working out. Next thing I knew I weighed 40 pounds less and could run longer and play sports better then I ever had before. Surely life feels more abundant now! Nope. I am still me and perhaps that is the problem.

In reality I do want to be part of some epic story, the heart of what I was looking for when I would get wasted and use my hand for kindling. I do want to be part of an adventure, just not one in the woods. Furthermore I am correct in seeing that insecurity is holding me back. Unfortunately insecurity cannot be healed by looking good in facebook pictures.

Today is the day after Easter. Today is the first day to follow the resurrection of Jesus. For many of us, the resurrection of Jesus doesn't represent anything more than a fancy type of fire insurance, some guarantee that hell is not in our immediate future. I am banking that it means something more. I am banking that it represents a new way to live our lives. Life without nagging insecurities. Life that takes place in the midst of some epic story. Life that offers adventures and challenges that dare us to be more than we thought we can be. I need to live like Jesus' resurrection ultimately gives me an opportunity to fail. By fail I mean shoot higher and farther than I could if what I did depended on me and now that death (or boredom, they feel the same to me) is only temporary and that life really can be eternal.

I want to invite anyone who reads this to come along with me. If you are bored with church, your lifestyle or your own pesky internal monologue, let's live resurrected lives!

silence

iPods, laptops, elevator music, car CD players, generic muzak... is there anywhere that you can go for a little silence these days?

And if there were, would we actually want it?

This week I was at a staff retreat and we spent one day taking three separate SILENT retreats. I was forced to spend 6 hours quiet for one day. SIX HOURS?! How did I survive?!

Quite well, actually.

I heard from Jesus. I dreamed for campus. I recognized how exhausted my body was. I saw beauty in the world around me. I mourned the way evil had rocked my life and the lives of those I love. I recognized bad patterns in my life and the way I use my time.

Without my mp3 player, March Madness or Spring Training I was forced to look at myself. Some of what I saw was ugly, some was beautiful, some was just downright hilarious.

Of course that was the point of the exercise and that is the role of silence in our lives.

So friends join me! Try taking some time each day to stop and be quiet.

what does a Christian look like?

Donan recently told me about a Bible study that she had where a woman in the study lamented that she didn't "look like a Christian".

Look like a Christian?

This has got me asking myself, what exactly does a Christian look like?

Well, if you watch a lot of TV, I suppose a Christian wears a lot of sweaters. You know, really tasteful ones. Oh, and khakis! I almost forgot the very well ironed khakis.

If you read Relevant magazine Christians dress really, really well. Tight shirts, emo pants, sports coats and trendy plastic rim glasses.

If you went the missions conference that I went to over Christmas break, you could buy all of the clothes that we were selling and look like a mission minded Christian!

If you hang out with me, mostly we wear t-shirts and jeans.

I am not making light of the question... in fact I think that it is a very important question. Is it wrong for Christian to look trendy? Sexy? Grungy? Should Christians spend a lot of money on good haircuts, or should that be spent on more important things?

What about at church?! In God's house should we dress up? Is it more authentic if we are more dingy in the presence of the Lord? Yesterday I wore orange and blue to church, a nod to the Chicago Bears, is this a sign of my idolatry, or a fun little riff that I was planning on wearing for the rest of the day?

This seems like a silly question I realize, but I am not sure that it actually is. I have seen this scene too many times, someone walks into a church and soon realizes they have violated some unspoken dress code. A college girl who is showing a little cleavage is all but ignored by the church, until a timid middle aged woman with a sweater buttoned up to her neck finally greats her. Awkwardness hangs over the conversation like a carport. Or a twenty something couple comes to church with their small child. All of them are dressed in their finest formal garb, unaware that this is a "cool church" where the congregation looks like they are following the Fray on tour.

Maybe Andre was right, "image is everything".

Or maybe not.

Jesus had quite a crew of groupies and I am sure they all dressed according to their roles, just like today. Think that the rich tax collector and the fishermen dressed alike? What about the prostitute and the religious zealot? Paul was one of the most respected religious teachers of his time and in those days the religious leaders tended to wear some pretty nice threads (sound familiar?), but after he gave his life over this subversive movement, he encountered a new church headed up by a fisherman! Quick, picture Billy Graham and you favorite fishing buddy. What do you think their closets look like?

Ultimately, I don't think that our church's are ever supposed to be full of similar looking people. The Kingdom of God is for everyone; cleavage, green hair, flannel, ties, holey jeans and bad perms be damned! When the unspoken rules of our culture start to dictate norms more than the word of God we have a problem. We need Jesus. His group of misfits worked, because He made it work.

What are we willing to lose to make it work?