Victimized vs Protected

"I see myself as these girls protector. As a man, that makes me feel good."

My friend Troy said those words last week. Troy started an organization with the simple vision of providing young girls who are destined for forced marriage or brothel work a way to be educated instead. He works to trade brothel life for real life. I like that he does that and I was inspired by his work.

I was also struck by his perspective about how is gender is tied to his calling. He is not ignorant. He knows that these girls are being led into brothels in order to satiate the sinful desires of men. He also knows (and articulated) that there is not as large of a chasm between lustfully staring at video online and actually purchasing a real girl. The line that we pretend exists is not as fully formed as most of us would like to believe. Troy sees his work as actively rebelling against his own sin and the sin of ilk. I find that much more appealing than simply trying not to fail. I guess I like action.

I have been thinking about Troy today as I have been trying to sort through my emotions after the shootings in Oregon and now Connecticut. I realized that when I heard that the shooters were young men it barely registered. Of course they were young men. Just like the shooters at Columbine. And Timothy McVeigh. And most of the perpetrators and violent and sexual crime.

As a campus missionary, I spend quite a bit of time thinking about young guys. Young guys are increasingly absent from Christian community. Young guys are also increasingly absent to their families. Don't get me wrong, some young guys are awesome. My friend Andrew is leaving Pullman today as a new graduate. He is a man of God and a man of integrity. I know many guys like him at WSU and Whitman. But I also know droves of men who simply refuse to grow up. They don't know if they have what it takes, and seem disinterested in finding out. Video games trump real experiences and women exist for their pleasure.

My last year in college I led a men's bible study. Let me tell you, I knew what men on campus needed. I knew how they had fallen short. I was going to be the guy to call them out. Many good things came out of that study. People decided to follow Jesus and a critical mass of men came together each week. But as the year wore on, I noticed that my definition of masculinity was narrow. It was so narrow, that guys either found themselves unwelcome in the community, or subtly pushed into faking their own masculinity in order to belong. As a result, I have mostly put men's ministry on the back burner since. After all, if I don't have the answers, then what do I have to contribute?

Lately, I have been trying to repent of that attitude. Even before Troy spoke, I felt a stirring inside of me. What about men? If church is not reaching them, then what will? I feel this even more strongly today.

The reality is, for millions of people in the world, men are the perpetrators of violence towards them. Whether that person in a young girl in Bangladesh or a child survivor in Connecticut. Troy's role as protector is increasingly not how men are perceived. We are the depraved and absent ones, not the ones who fight to be a voice for the voiceless or protectors of the weak. This is sad.

I know that many of my female friends may exclaim, "I don't need to be protected!". And for many of them, this may be true. For some of my guy friends, they may feel insecure about their manhood or physical prowess. Guess what, me too! I believe that biblical masculinity is not synonymous with misogyny. I have been led by, as well as leading women. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am certainly not arguing for violence. Jesus says, "Those who live by the sword, will die by the sword.". I happen to agree with him. I am talking about using worldly power for other people's gain. I am talking about being present to families and communities. I am talking about bringing up uncomfortable topics because it is the right thing to do. I am talking about praying with urgency because these are urgent times that require heart and soul engagement.

I know for some people, this is the last week for the whole world. For others, we are in a period of "rebirth". Personally, I try not to assign special meaning to numbers or dates (plus I happen to think that Jesus meant it when he said "no one will know the time or date"). But I do sense a quiet desperation in people who just feel hopeless. Job market sucks, apparently we are going over a fiscal cliff, the Middle East is increasingly violent and North Korea is launching rockets. It feels safer to remain disengaged, or to retreat into realities that you feel like you can do something in (see: games, video).


Troy went to law school and found some girls that needed help. What will I do? Who will I fight for?

Peter was a loud-mouthed coward, who became the "Rock" and could be counted on to lead a church.

Jacob was a slimy mama's boy, who became someone who could wrestle with God.

Moses was an ill-tempered rich kid, who became was able to lead people through harsh desert life for 40 years.

I want to know less about who I have been and more about the man I am becoming. And I want some guys to walk with me in the process.

Whose coming with?

confronted with my own pettiness

On Saturday, I called the Verizon customer service line with a legitimate complaint. My voicemail had been on the fritz for a couple of days, leaving people unable to leave me messages. I also mentioned some issues that I had been having with my GPS. The GPS issue was secondary and I am not even sure why I mentioned it. Then something interesting happened, the operator mentioned that I may be eligible for a replacement phone if we couldn't get the GPS working.

A new phone? For me? Why thank you!

Suddenly I thought to myself, "what if they are out of my phone? Could I receive a better phone? More RAM? A front-facing camera?". My thoughts went from the legitimate, to a lustful wanting, almost immediately.

Then I was connected with an IT guy who immediately annoyed me. He wasn't rude, mean or dismissive. He was knowledgeable. He knew how to make my phone work better. He understood the issues and gave sound advice on how to get it running again. He knew how to ensure that I would not need a replacement device.

I tried to be gracious, but I was unhappy. This person was costing me something new and something shinny. I started asking questions. I asked why this didn't work or that didn't work. He answered all my questions and proved to be very helpful.

Then he asked about my voicemail. I realized I had almost forgotten why I called. So he tested my voicemail and heard: "Hello, you have reached Jeremiah with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship at Washington State University...". He asked me what I did for a living and what Intervarsity was. As I replied, his voice changed. He proceeded to tell me how necessary I was and how college students needed Christian mentors. He talked about how important Christian mentors were to him in college and how he is a member of his local church because of the Christian community he had in college.

In that moment I realized the extent to which my own greed and materialism had blind me to the human being on the other end of the phone. In my lust, I had de-humanized someone. My desire for something new was no different than looking at pornography; I had allowed someone else's humanness to diminish to fulfill one of my wants.

I felt small, but also grateful. God knows my needs and how and where to communicate with me. I can only hope, that I can learn from my father how to instruct and correct Moira as well and as patiently as my Divine Father leads me.

What my Daughter's Middle Name Means

Moira Grace Nealon was born on January 22 at 8:02 pm. She has immediately changed my life...I quipped two days after she was born that her birth marked the death of my cynicism. Thankfully, this has continued to be true.

This post is about her middle name, "Grace". Like most parents, I hope that her name will mean something. In the Bible, often names prove to be descriptive. Jacob was born clutching Esau's heel, so he his name means "heel" (is there any wonder that he needed to be renamed by God?). Donan and I long that Grace will be more than a pretty middle name that rolls off the tongue. We hope that it will describe God's hand in her life.

Quick background, I have spent much of the past year exploring the idea of grace. While I have been a Christian for 12 years now, I felt like my understanding of grace was very limited. I was a Christian to make the world better, but was lacking in understanding in just what force God was using to change our world.

I believe that Grace is the most powerful force in the Universe. I believe Grace is the essence of God's plan for the restoration of everything that has ever been made. I believe that Grace gives weight and importance to every action that occurs on our planet. I believe that Grace is evidence of the existence of sin and the offer of real forgiveness. I believe that Grace can accomplish more than war ever can. I believe that Grace erodes what fear establishes. I believe that Grace undermines every scheme to enslave humanity in bitterness. I believe that without Grace, there is no such thing as hope.

I believe that Grace is done a disservice when it is applied to dance routines and beauty pageants. While my daughter is a beautiful girl, I do not believe that Grace is inherently feminine.

I believe that Grace is misunderstood. Too often we treat Grace like it is a tool that we can wield, choosing who to give it to and to hold it back from. In reality, Grace is a force that we either can resist or embrace. To embrace it, is to get lost it. Grace defines us, we never get to define Grace.

Grace is evidence that our lives matter to God. Our sins and failures mean so much that they need to be atoned. OUr inherent value to God is so high that He is willing to die to restore us. Grace doesn't mean that in the end nothing matters, it actually proves that everything matters.

I hope and I pray that my daughter will allow herself to be embraced by Grace. I want Grace to protect her from a merit-based view of the world. I long for her to never know the sting of unforgiveness or to be poisoned from the inside-out by a grudge. I hope that Grace enables her to treat every person with value and to know that her value is entirely derived by how God sees her.

From the time that Donan found out she was pregnant, in the womb I would tell Moira that she could not earn my love. Good grades and perfect behavior would never secure my love. In contrast, rebellion and sin would never cost her my love. I pledged to her that I would strive, to the best of my feeble ability, to demonstrate the Grace of her perfect Father.

So that is what Moira's middle name means. Her name is hope. I tell her that her middle name is the most powerful force in the universe...and I mean it. All I can do is pray that she will be defined not by the "un-grace" of the world, but the eternal wave of Grace unleashed by Jesus.

Most summers I move for two weeks. I live in Tacoma (or occasionally Portland) with a group of students from throughout the Northwest. We sleep on floors, eat on about $5 a day, work with the poor and, pray and study scripture like they are the most precious gifts in the world. Our cellphones live in boxes, unused and ignored, and our laptops stay home.

It is a beautiful experience that I am once again recruiting for. When I try to invite people, I am constantly struck at the disconnect between how good summit is, and how difficult it is to articulate its value. I am convinced that summit will be the best, most valuable and yes, the most fun two weeks of any student's summer. However, it never sounds like it will be. It just sounds hard. Scary. Financially irresponsible. Semesters are always long and summit sounds like it will only make them longer.

Here's the thing though...it's the best thing that I know how to offer students. Yes, it screws with the trajectory of students lives, but it screws with them for the better. Conferences are great, but like Peter, James and John, we can't live on the mountain with Jesus, Moses and Elijah. Summit offers an alternate way to live. Summit asks students to choose between the best the world has to offer and what the Kingdom offers.

Summit may give students stiff backs, caffeine headaches and uncomfortable scriptures, but it also creates soft hearts, clear vision and the dream of a different world.

I am aware this sounds idealistic. In reality, it is difficult to go every single year. Every year two weeks of rest sounds so good. Two weeks of quiet and privacy sounds wonderful. At home, I rarely have to decide how much our team can spare for the homeless man at the door. I rarely pray for strangers or clean empty bottles and needles from an abandoned apartment. Rarely do I need to look into the eyes of a child how who is bitter against all men, because they remind him of his father.

I often have students (usually around their junior year) start to question the value of conferences. They question whether their experiences there make any difference in the "real world". My retort is simple; where God is active is the realist of all worlds. It is what we usually call the real world that blinds and numbs us. The real world is where Super Bowl winners matter more than famine in Africa. The real world is where it makes sense to not actively love someone, because that act of love might be offensive.

What makes Summit good and the lifestyle it teaches us necessary, is that it trains us live in the actual real world, not the facsimile that we (by which of course, I mean "I") become subtly seduced by.

So if you are reading this and you are a supporter or friend of InterVarsity, I ask that you would pray for those considering coming to Tacoma and Portland this summer. Additionally, if you are interested in helping financially support students attending summit, please contact me.

If you are a student...please come! Take the risk. Jesus said that He came so that "they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10). Faith is an adventure, please don't settle for less.

Finally, if you are a student who has stumbled upon this blog who is not a follower of Jesus, I want to invite you to come as well. The Christian faith cannot be understood in books alone. It cannot be evaluated from the outside. If you have any curiosity about the faith that your friends seem to so deeply believe in, please come where it is embodied. You will make the project better and I believe that Jesus would love to show you his face within community and among the poor.

reflections on a changing world

First off, I must say that I am indebted to Pete Grieg of 24/7 Prayer for this post, as he is the one that stirred these thoughts.

2011 was a tough year for much of the world. Japan experienced a tsunami that cost many thousands of lives and did untold damage to the environment that won't be understood for years to come. Tornadoes whipped through the US. Dictators fell and cities were occupied. Many (including my brother) never were not employed a single day during the year.

It is easy to feel off-kilter after such a year. If the environment can wipe you out at any moment, your seemingly stable government can fall and your well-earned career can fall apart at any moment, then what's safe?

There is a tangible feeling of..something in the air right now. 2012 is the end of the world for some. May 2011 was supposed to be the end of the world for others. Tea Partiers want to reclaim their government, while Occupiers want to reclaim their economy. In the Philippines, many would settle for finding loved ones alive and well after recent flooding.

As a Christian, I feel a great pressure to be able to discern "what it all means". I feel like I should be able to turn to a passage in Revelation or one of the Gospels and capture with eerie clarity what age we are in. I, however, feel unable to do so. Simply put, I feel like a driver on an unknown road, navigating more by sense than map.

Maybe leaning into the road analogy is the best way to proceed. There is a commercial in Allstate's popular (and hilarious) "Mayhem" series that I resonate with. These commercials depict an actor who represents all of the possible calamities of life. He can be a raccoon destroying the insulation of your house, a Christmas tree falling off of the roof of your car or a GPS unit leading you astray. In the GPS commercial, he is sitting on the dash of the car, gleefully dispensing bad directions. In our world today, I feel that we need the anti-mayhem...we need someone occupying our dash with proper directions, even if our destination is murky.

In Matthew 6:33, Jesus instructs those who follow Him to: "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." This very famous instruction comes in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount; Jesus' ethical treatise is every bit as challenging and inspiring now as it was 2000 years ago. Before this line, Jesus has instructed His people to give quietly to the needy, to endure in prayer, fast essentials in secret, to store treasure (and value) in heaven and finally, to not worry.

Jesus' lordship is a transfer of our priorities. Our priorities shift from the here and now to heaven, "where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." You could add to that, where governments are not overthrown and where unemployment is not 10%.

This does not mean that Jesus' way is simply disengaging from this world. It means placing your security in another world and kingdom, so you can operate in this world with no pressure to win, succeed or advance. Jesus' way is a way that looks like reckless risk, but in reality there is no risk at all. To live Jesus' way in an unsure time is to drive on the dark, unknown road listening to the dude on your dash because where he is taking you is better than where you were heading anyway.

I am proposing that a feeling of uncertainty creates the opportunity for us all to see more accurately than we ever did before. The world has always been uncertain. When our false security erodes, we are given an opportunity shift our investments to where they belonged in the first place.

If we're not careful, 2012 may make us numb again. The economy may rebound for enough many, that we forget those for whom it did not. Environmental tragedies may slow enough, that we forget the "mundane" tragedies of famine, human trafficking and poverty. We may, again, simply return to an apathetic existence. We may replace our angst with once again competing for the best toys, jobs, grades, homes and spouses.

We live in an opportune time. It is a time when it is perfectly reasonable to ditch reasonable aspirations for Jesus' narrow road. It is an opportune time to bet fully on the Kingdom of God. The hold of money, upward mobility and success has been weakened, but for how long?

I wonder what it looks like to step into something new? What does it look like rediscover just what is that we are made for? In the now seemingly far away era of the early 2000's, the band Switchfoot claimed, "We were meant to live for so much more, we've lost ourselves".

What does it mean to know find ourselves again?