Thank you for inviting me here tonight. About two months ago
I was honored to spend an afternoon with the student government here at Spokane
Falls Community College Pullman Extension. What I discovered was a group of
students who loved their campus, longed for deep purpose and were working
extremely hard towards their goals. I have been asked today to speak on “Success
is not a Destination, but a Road to be Traveled”.
Naturally, brings me back to my college graduation. I was
the first member of my family to attend college, much less finish. It wasn’t easy.
I didn’t know the “rules” of the campus. I was homesick. I struggled to see how
much of what I was studying related to my future. As I sat at my graduation, I
was both relieved that I had finished, but I also realized that I had no vision
for anything past graduating! I had been fixated on the graduating, getting
over that mountain for so long, I suddenly was panicked about where this all
was going!
At my graduation party afterwards, I was still spooked by
the “what’s next” when my dad found me. I wasn’t sure what my dad was thinking.
He has been very successful without a lick of college. He wanted me to go, but
the whole experience was very foreign to him. He put his hand on my shoulder
and said “I’m so proud of you”.
I never thought then, nor do I often now, that I measured up
to my dad. To hear him acknowledge with pride my accomplishment changed me. It
brought me peace.
So today I would like to offer you two things: a series of
thoughts, but perhaps more importantly my whole hearted congratulations. What
you have accomplished is now small thing. I am not your dad, but you have my
respect and my pride.
In that vein I would
like to offer five thoughts:
Thought one: Everyone
feels like a failure
Frauds. All of us are frauds. We all work hard to mask it
and to hide it. Some wear aggressive masks. Some arrogant. Some
self-deprecating. Some self-defeating. But we do so for a simple reason: deep
down most of us feel fraudulent. Sometimes the successful are the worst. As
money, titles and properties stack up, the creeping feeling of being “found
out” becomes omnipresent. You are entering a workforce, or further educational endeavors
that littered with fraudulent people.
If you feel overwhelmed, it is because life is overwhelming.
Expectations are overwhelming. The business of adulthood, education and
vocation breeds doubt in all of us. And that is good news! You are not alone!
You are not entering a world of confident, competent, emotionally balanced adults.
You are actually entering of world of people like you.
Thought two: Choose
curiosity, as opposed to false competency
Be curious. Now that you see how fraudulent we all are,
don’t cover it up! Be young! Be a learner. Ask all the questions. Leave none
unasked. Don’t waste other’s hard-earned experience. It’s there waiting for
you. Ask.
When faced with our own fraudulence, we are tempted to “fake
it till we make it”. Or more simply, we pretend. But curiosity is key.
Curiosity is the courageous choice. This is one thing I love about my wife, she
is fearlessly and ego-lessly curious. And you know what is crazy: my daughter
is now the exact same way! Curiosity is contagious.
Curiosity is also hard. It is an actual skill that requires
development. When ignored, it atrophies. Thinking of questions becomes work.
Asking becomes exhausting. You cannot afford to let that happen. All that you
need is NOT within you. It isn’t. You don’t know stuff. Other people know the
stuff you don’t know. You need them. You need your questions. They are your
lifeline for navigating the world. Is everyone eager to help? Certainly not.
But you cannot afford to let those people discourage you! I have found so many
helpful people. Jim is teaching me how a car works. Rich taught me how to
handle adult pressures. Ellen teaches me how to really listen to people. Ask.
Never, ever stop asking.
Thought three:
Success is a team endeavor
You are not an island. Your success will not be your own. We
are in this together. Life is a group project, not an individual exam. As noted
earlier, ask questions and be someone who is there to answer others questions.
But isn’t a “dog eat dog world”? At times, yes. I wish it
wasn’t so, but it too often is. But I truly believe that collaborators change
the world. When at work you find yourself pitted against others, work together
instead. Put your fraudulent brains and experience together. Do better
together. This is something I saw in my afternoon with the student government;
a community that knew each other, rooted for each other and worked together.
Stephen Covey in The 7
Habits of Highly Effective People calls this the “Win-Win” habit. The
workplace is an interdependent environment. The more we work together, and seek
results where everyone wins, the more successful the “whole” is.
Everywhere you go, your success is going to be predicated on
the success of your team. You will rarely be a conquering hero and vanquishing
competitors usually leads to only short-term success. Invest in “us” and you
will be fine.
Thought four: Your
definition of success will change
Have goals. Have a vision. Have a plan. But know that it
will change. The Bureau of Labor Statistics predicts that you are going to hold
12-14 jobs in your career. Some will relate to your major, but many will not.
You’re going to be the new face several times in your working life. For some of
you, that is exciting. For others, terrifying! Let’s add some more variables:
Most of you will get married. Many of your will have
children. You are going to weather financial crises, wars and unforeseeable
personal challenges. Your joys will change you. Your sorrows will blindside
you. Your priorities are going to change. As will your passions. Your successes
will make you rethink your ceiling. Your failures are going to open you to
doubt. You’re going to miss things; weddings, funerals, family events. Each one
will challenge you to re-evaluate.
Your present definition of success will not be able to
survive the onslaught of life. And again, this is good news. The “you” you are
now is ill-equipped for the reality of “you” later. As you evolve, so will your
definition of success. So will your priorities. Your career may consume all of
your passion, vision and purpose. The vocational “you” just might change the
world. Or, it could be volunteering at a soup kitchen that leads you to throw
away every goal to serve the marginalized. Or joyfully caring for your family
could consume decades. Hey, you might even still become a professional soccer
player. The point is, you don’t know.
Set your course. Work hard. Make plans. Pursue goals. But
know that they will change! Humbly accept that life if far too large and
multi-faceted to be controlled by the likes of you. And enjoy the ride.
Thought five: Success
cannot be simply vocational
Your career cannot be the only way you define success. That
feels strange to say at a college graduation. After all, almost all that you have
been learning about has pertained to your upcoming career. I am guessing that
none have you have taken courses with titles like: “How to be a good person”, “balancing
family and work”, or “the unexpected fulfillment of volunteering”. That is not
a critique of college or education. It is an acknowledgement of their
limitations.
Spiritual idioms like: “What good does it profit a man to
gain the world and lose his soul”, or contemporary ones like: “She who dies
with the most toys, still dies” remind us that winning in work is only one
measure of success and purpose. There has to be more that fills up a successful
life than a career.
That is not to say that hard work and killing it in your
vocation are without value. A recent Princeton study noted the “$75,000
happiness benchmark”. Essentially happiness increases all the way up to a
$75,000 annual income, the stagnates afterwards. Financial success and the
stability that brings does in fact, impact happiness. But only to a degree. It
is that degree that I encourage you to note as you go forward. Anything that
you do for over 40 hours a week is hugely important and impacts you deeply. Arriving
at this graduation today shows that you have been working towards the right
goals. But if you believe those vocational goals are the “one thing” that will
bring you joy, you may find yourself disappointed before you know it.
Going back to Covey and the 7 Habits, we need to be “principle-centered”. Centering around
career, or family, or pleasure leaves us vulnerable to huge gaps. We risk
missing out on what matters most deeply to us in the name of success. Know who
you are, set long-term goals and plans that are rooted in what matters most to
you. Keep that at the center.
Community. Purpose. Charity. Fitness. Family. Success has
many facets, some measurable and some not. Success will take much effort on
your part in many different directions. Keep an eye towards all that matters to
you.
Conclusion
At this point, I assume you are quite done with this speech
and ready to get on with your big day. Far be it from me to hold you up any
longer. So from one fraud to another, here is my final word: celebrate.
Celebrate this day, because you have accomplished something worthy of
celebration. Celebrate promotions, new jobs, 10k’s, first steps, new moves and
new adventures. Our culture knows how to party, but not how to celebrate. We
are very capable of turning up music, turning down lights and tapping kegs. But
so few of us really mark the moments of our lives that matter. Celebration
keeps us focused. It invites others into our lives. It makes us grateful. Acknowledge
the moments of your life. Make celebration a rhythm of your life. And start
tonight!
It was fun writing this. I particularly enjoyed thinking about values and purpose in a way that I could give in a setting that is not inherently Christian.
