writing stuff

For as long as I can remember, I have thought of myself as a decent writer, who could become a good writer if I tried. Of course, I have never really tried.

There is power in this way of thinking. I could be good at something, if I tried to be good at something. If you don't try, you don't have to fail. If you never fail, you always could have succeeded. It is a vicious cycle, but one that I unfortunately know too well.

When I was a freshman in college, I watched the movie, then devoured the book High Fidelity. The book centers around a thirtysomething man who owns a record shop. He is a sharp musical critic, who analyzes everything in his life through his harsh critical lens. He is also profoundly unhappy. This book was actually essential in my journey towards following Jesus. It helped me see that most of what was keeping me from Jesus was my harsh criticism of other people, people who were trying, but often failing at living virtuously. Like in High Fidelity, I had to come to the point of recognizing that those who tried, failed and kept trying were significantly ahead of me; the critic who shielded himself in self perceived untapped potential.

Back to writing. Here are the excuses I make not to write:

• "I don't have time". False. I have time. I work out. I watch sports. I play Words with Friends. I have time. I don't make time. But that is an entirely different issue. 
• "I have nothing to say." Listen, everyone gets blocked. Our ideas get blocked, ambition gets blocked, even bowels get blocked. The reality is though that creativity spurs creativity. I used to be able to run 7-10 miles. I now can run 2. However, if I ran 2 miles everyday this week, I could probably run 3 next week, and so on. 
• "The world doesn't need another Christian no-it-all book/blog/tumblr/etc". Here is where it really is. 

I think of writing externally, not internally. Before I sit down to write, I think about the audience first. I try to imagine what no one else has said. I (rightly) conclude that everything has already been said.

But here is the rub, I think that I still need to say it. I have thought about writing or being a writer since I was 10 years old. That is 22 years! My writing dream can order a drink. By comparison, I have known my wife for 12 years. I graduated from college 10 years ago. I have followed Jesus for 14 years. My thought of being a writer is older than all but one of my friendships.

I don't think it would be healthy to allow another 20 years to pass or critiquing others or wondering if I could actually do that thing.

So I will try to be here more. I will try to extract more thoughts from my head and see if I can get any better at the process. If you enjoy it, let me know. If you see things I can improve on,  also let me know, but nicely. I'm in a vulnerable state with all of this. If there is a dream delayed for you and you want to give it a shot, let me know...it's fun to embark on the journey together!