Authentic

Sorry to break from the Advent theme, but my mind is racing in another direction today. Please bear with me and my tangential brain.

Authenticity. This word represents half of the debates that I get into. Every one seems to be looking for it. However, it is an elusive thing to get a hold of. One day your desire for something (a good grade, your friends, God, whatever that "something" is) can be so real. That desire can consume you. It can be difficult to even think of something else. Then the next day comes and your desire is all a show. You show up or class to be seen by the professor, not for knowledge. You raise your hands at church because it seems like the appropriate time, not out of a heartfelt response. Just like that, authenticity is gone. When you search your heart, you feel like a fraud.

Is it any wonder that we doubt the sincerity of others so often? Our problem is that we know ourselves far too well. If we somehow could only deny our own fickleness, maybe we could trust others passion. Maybe we could believe that the love others show us is authentic. Maybe.

Maybe I don't really debate with others about authenticity, as much as I debate with others about the symptoms of an unauthentic belief. At my church, I cannot understand how a pre-written and edited prayer can be authentic. In my mind I can't get past the image of a person sitting at their desk mumbling to themselves; "should I be thankful for His faithfulness or thy faithfulness?". The image slays my trust in the authenticity of the prayer. Others at the church doubt the sincerity of people like me, you know those young people with their hands in the air while singing and dancing to that rock music. Am I trying to impress God with my radical expression? And when my authenticity is challenged I get angry and defensive, not because I am so confident in my worship, but because I am so insecure about it. I know that as many times as I have truly encountered God in worship, I have faked it. I have gotten lost in the moment, while worrying about being in tune, or thinking about how tired my arms are getting. I feel like a fraud, so I ready at a moment to deny being one. I sense it is the same for the prayer readers/writers. They have been pierced by plenty of prayers, and written plenty of others out of the pre-established pattern.

Where is authenticity?

It's on the other side of worship. I firmly believe that God, His words to us, in scripture and now through the Holy Spirit, are the only source of authenticity we are ever going to encounter. We are up and down. Our desire peaks and wanes, but God's desire for us to come near to Him, never falters. If we are to believe scripture, then God's desire to have an relationship with us was authentic enough to drive Him to be born as a human and die as a criminal. His desire to have an authentic relationship with us was such that He would actually promise to be with us when we gather in His name. That is authenticity. That is sacrificial. That is above and beyond anything we could ever dream to expect.

So what is my current view of authenticity? It is this, whether you are going to lift your hand or sit on them, authentic worship is one that recognizes that God is consistent and steadfast in His commitment to you and that you need Him to teach you a lot about worship.