Saviors

You know, it seems like everyone is looking for a savior.

Tebow-mania is sweeping the NFL.

Mike Leach is going to lead the Cougs to a Rose Bowl.

Price Fielder is going to fix the Mariners offense.

The next President is going to fix the economy.

The next pastor is going to grow the church.

The next girlfriend (or boyfriend) is going to be "the one".

Yup, we love us some saviors.

It makes me think about Advent, the season of waiting for the birth of Jesus. How ingrained in us is a sense that all is not well? How is it that we, the most technologically advanced, most educated, most self-sufficient society in human history are still so hungry to have someone come in and take us to the promised land?

It seems to me, that no matter how much we accomplish or learn, we intuitively know that we cannot save ourselves.

So we look. And look. And look.

We size up every potential savior and wonder whether they can really deliver the goods. This happened to Jesus all the time. Our desperation leads us to cling to every possible savior, then turn on them when they fail to deliver on our hopes.

I have to fight this urge all the time. Without being careful, I can get caught up in pep rallies for coaches, baseball hot stove, Christian authors or promising politicians.

Jesus relentlessly insisted that He was the only savior. He's the gate (John 10:9), He's the vine (John 15:5), He's the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6). I wonder if the reason He told parables about how foolish accumulating money was to a poor audience was to say, "Even if you were wealthy, you would still need saving. Money and security are false saviors".

Advent is the season of waiting...waiting for our true and only savior. Happy waiting everyone!

circle four

A woman with a bad reputation rushes into the town that shuns her to tell them of a man they must meet. A man who could be the savior of them all.

A stumpy, corrupt bureaucrat is so transformed by Jesus' kindness, that he pays back every person he has ripped off and give half of all he has to the poor.

A disgraced disciple stands in front of a group of people, including those who killed his teacher, and invites them to repent, be baptized and become members of the Kingdom of God.

If you go to church, you may be familiar with the idea of "testimonies". Testimonies are when some person tells the story of how they became a Christian. They usually follow the same pattern:

"I was doing ____ with my life, then everything went really bad and I ended up ____. In desperation I came to church/ met with a pastor/ went to a Bible study/ talked to a friend that I knew was a Christian, then I accepted Jesus into my heart and I was saved."

These are powerful times, because they remind us that God is not far away and that lives are being transformed by his love right now. These stories often renew our faith that God is present and has influence in the world.

But too often (though not always) the stories end with a prayer to God. It is the spiritual equivalent to the "and they lived happily ever after" crawl at the end of movies. You begin to crave more of the story, what happens after "happily ever after"?

In scripture, when people encounter Jesus, that encounter changes them. They live differently. Remember, Jesus proclaimed "Repent! For the Kingdom of God is near". He frankly, said nothing about converting, he said repent (turn around, 180 degrees) and live out the values, purposes and in allegiance to the Kingdom of God (the first circle).

He promises help (the Holy Spirit, essentially the power of God in action) and establishes community to work with (see Acts chapter 2). It is a group effort, because kingdoms not only have kings, but citizens as well. Pursuit of the Kingdom and allegiance to the King define the fourth circle. The word "kingdom" reminds us that not only is water God's water and the earth God's earth, but people are God's people. We belong to him and are most alive when recognize that we have a role and purpose on earth (like the first man and woman did in circle one).

What does that mean? It means reorientation. Whatever was the central purpose of your life before, no longer is. Spouses, majors, parents, jobs, sports, entertainment...everything must be reordered, so that Jesus can be King.

Does this really matter though? After all, if you reorient your life, but the world continues as it is with self-interest as the central purpose, why does it matter that you allowing Jesus to reorient you?

It matters because the Kingdom is here and coming. Remember, Jesus is restoring creation and removing the corruption like snake venom from a wound.

Self-interest will disappear, as well as all of its children. War, rape, greed and any form of abuse that exercises power of another person, or over creation for self-interest will fade from history. As will those who have self-interest as their center.

A fully reoriented world will be established and continue forever. When we labor towards the Kingdom, we labor towards what is eternal. When we labor towards anything else, it won't be.

Now let me clarify something, this doesn't mean that only ministry matters. Art can be Kingdom work. Small businesses that help bring people out of poverty are doing Kingdom work. Engineers that bring clean drinking water to those who don't have it are Kingdom builders. Single fathers who work two jobs so there kids can eat loving the Kingdom and their children at the same time.

Does this sound like a lot of work? It is. But it's the right work. We all work, except for those few who are cursed with wealth without discernment. The first man and woman had work, but it was work that was rooted in proper relationship. They weren't trying to prove themselves with their work. They weren't justified by how much better they were at working than their neighbor. Jesus said that he came to bring "life and life to the fullest" and "living water that wells up to eternal life". Full and eternal lives are full of the right work and the strength of God supernaturally equipping you.

In short, the fourth circle is the kingdom that the third circle established. It isn't going to church or a summer mission trip, it is living the Kingdom out is classes, Greek houses, residence halls, internships, family reunions and yes, in church and summer mission trips! It is reorienting your life within community, so that Jesus is the King. And it is pursuing a world where that reorientation is taking place in ghetto's, college campuses and governments. It is, as the 24/7 Prayer movement calls it, "praying like all depends on God and living like it all depends on [us]".

Here is a story that I think spells out the fourth circle better than I can: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ycn-9159265

One last question...are you in?

Next steps:

• Ask Jesus to examine you. What is your center? Is it Jesus? The good news is that you cannot fix your center, Jesus can. Ask him to establish himself there, and he will.
• What Kingdom do you live for? How can you beging to reorient your time, priorities, budget, etc to be Kingdom of God focused? Looks at Bible, pray every day, saturate yourself with the Kingdom.
• Community. People are "sent to heal", not individuals. Are you laboring with people? Allow others in, allow them to help.

third circle

The world is intentionally made. It has purpose and was not an accident. It is beautiful and reflects the creative power of the creator.

It is also deeply corrupted. Much has gone wrong. People fight for power, the environment is abused and people seek to live without God, no longer in rhythm with their creator.

We are no longer in the first circle, but seemingly stuck in the mess of the second circle. Is there a way out?

Only God can address the damage of corruption in the world. People are corrupted by evil and have become active participants. Though we are homesick for the first world and may even labor to restore our world, we breathe the same corrupted air that the rest of creation does. Instinctively, we may do good, but we also do damage. We simply are too caught up in the corruption to heal it.

This is where Jesus enters the picture.

Jesus is often discussed, sometimes worshiped, lauded as a great teacher and occasionally mocked. Most of the world uses his birth to split history into two eras. He is considered significant by almost everybody.

He has become so famous, that he his known more by reputation than by experience. Think about a book like War and Peace. The book is known and respected by almost everybody. However, most people are simply aware that it is long. Relatively few people have experienced reading the book, but they respect it by reputation.

Jesus is kind of like that. His reputation precedes him and that reputation colors every bible study, church service or academic research about him.

If the only thing you know about Jesus' reputation is that he said "do not judge", then you may struggle when he refers to anybody as "swine". If you have seen signs that proclaims that Jesus hate gay people, then it may be challenging to discover that Jesus never actually talks about homosexuality in any of the gospels. If you know that Jesus died for your sins and to get you to heaven, you may be surprised to learn that he taught so much about how to live NOW.

So who is Jesus? I believe that he is God responding to the corruption of the world. The first chapter of John says that he "is God" and that everything that has been made, was "made through him". He is God in flesh.

God in flesh. When Jesus walked on water, it was his water. He made that water. He chose its color and texture. He decided it would be wet. It's his water to walk on.

The second world is still God's world. It still belongs to him. It's corruption is personal to God. Think about someone breaking into your house or your car. That is a feeling of violation. Someone defiles your space when they break in. Now imagine that person who broke into your house decides to live there. Sleep in your bed, eat your food, raise your kids. How would you respond?

God saw the corruption of the world and decided to address it himself. He dove head-long into the corruption in order to restore it. In Christianity, we call this "incarnation". Incarnation is why I am a Christian. Incarnation speaks to me. It changes me. It is the single greatest picture of love that I can ever imagine. It's personal. God doesn't send down angels or wipe out the stupid humans who failed to take care of the world, he instead enters it.

Jesus was born. He spends time as an infant and has to learn to use the bathroom. He gets hungry and thirsty. He makes friends and is rejected by friends. He faces every temptation and longing that we face. Yet, in the face of living in the second world, he manages to live out the values and hopes of the first world.

Jesus lives connected to God the Father. Jesus lives in proper relationship with other people, loving them sacrificially and speaking bold truth. He lives a simple life, free of the greed that humanity struggles with.

Jesus extends mercy to those who usually don't get it, and he challenges those that most people are afraid to challenge. He heals sick people, because sickness and death are part of the corruption. He casts out demons because they work for the ultimate corruptor.

He speaks of another way. He calls it "the Kingdom of God". It's small and gets bigger. It is precious and hidden. It is coming and is now. It has Jesus as king, not Caesar.

He is so bold, so counter-cultural, so beautiful, so entitled (the world is his after all) that he ends up getting executed in joint action of the church and state.

The world decides that world two is better than world one, or at least that it is too dangerous to speak or dream of world one. They chose the way of the one who invaded the home, over the home-owner.

Those who loved him wept bitterly or hid out of fear that they would suffer his fate.

But remember, this world is his world. He didn't stay dead because he is bigger than death. And because Jesus didn't stay dead, nothing has to stay dead.

The whole world can be redeemed, because it's God's first and foremost.

Dreams that have died, can live again. Hope can live and breathe and grow. People can be reconciled, even if they have warred for years.

And death is no longer a period, it is a comma.

Those who accept that his really happened and pledge allegiance to Jesus' Kingdom and its values become restored, first worlders. They become pockets of the real, ancient, intended way. In fact the early church was called follower of the "way".

This is the healing of the corruption. This is what it looks like for God to take back his world. Someday it will be with power and the Kingdom of God will be the only Kingdom. But right now, it is with sacrifice and prayer and hope and service and radical other-centered love. The world is changing and will ultimately be restored for the better.

And in Christianity, we call this "gospel", which means "good news".

first circle

Look at me, attempting a series! I feel so grown up.

Yesterday I talked about the corruption of our world. How we live in a world that seems to have been good one day, but now most of what is good seems steeped in nostalgia. Today I want to comment on the root of that nostalgia and just what was corrupted in the first place.

"In the beginning God created..."

Order. Intentionality. Purpose.

If God created, then this world means something. God is an artist. Artists create things. They think about shadows, proportion and subtext. They know the rules, even if they break them.

The world is not an accident and that means something. A friendship that splinters, a life that is lost accidentally or something beautiful that is destroyed for simple profit matter because this world matters.

God created heaven and earth, stars and sky, water and land, animals and humans. And humans were crafted in the image of God.

We create, because we were created. When a three year old colors on a wall, it's because it's created in the image of God. How cool is that?

God created man to take care of the world and the animals. God gave man a job, and that job was to take care of what God created. Not to survive or just make it, but to take the keys over what God just made.

Man got lonely. Turns out that even without any separation between man and God, loneliness still existed. Apparently we are created to be together.

So God made woman. God said she was good. Man said she was good indeed.

Man did not abuse her, force her to do anything against her will or dominate her at all. Man was not given dominion over her, but she came to help him take care of creation. They could be naked and without shame. Cosmopolitan never told her she was fat and no one ever told him that he needed to keep her in line. He had nothing to prove and no one whispered to her that she could have done better. Naked and without shame.

All they needed was produced by the good, God-made world.

God and man, at peace. Man and woman, at peace. Creation produced good fruit and man and woman honored and took care of it.

The first circle, our home. We cling to each other looking for peace, but too often find scorn and betrayal. We argue how to take care of the earth, but often cannot see beyond our greed and politics. We look for God, but argue where he is.

All because we are no longer in the first circle.

Many of you know the story. It has a snake, a piece of fruit and quite a few consequences.

But stop for a moment and think about the first circle.

God is so close, He is walking with you. Standing side by side with others, without a hint of shame. You know your job and it is purposeful and matters.

No wonder we are so dissatisfied with the second circle, maybe at some level we remember the first circle. We remember a God who is close and a shameless existence. We miss our home.

We turn the music up louder and fire up another video game. We take another hit and allow the numbness to consume us. We study harder and harder waiting for the moment that we feel "good enough" even though it never comes. We go into another bed, but never quite feel okay naked.

Perhaps we are deeply, deeply homesick.

We explain away the first circle as a pipe dream or as an ancient fantasy because it reveals how corrupted our world really is.

Yet, I have never met someone who really thinks that the world is "right". It feels off to everyone, because it is off. We cannot live without regret, because we actually regret something that happened long before we were born. We regret that we are not "there", even though we do not know where "there" actually is.

So where is God? One bite of fruit and He's gone? Does He care about a creation that is decaying?

That's what the third world is all about.

second circle

A student at WSU recently had this as his status:

To live with no regrets is impossible. It's saying that every decision you've made in the past has been correct, you were wrong and you don't care, or you've had a lobotomy and are lethargic. Regret, repent, move forward.
(thanks Steven Christian, Lead Singer of Amberlin)

I was struck by the sophistication of this worldview. He noticed the inconsistency that many of us live in.

Some run forward, boldly proclaiming "no regrets!". They look like free spirits, the kind of guiltless existence that many are envious of. However, are actions do have consequences. I have a friend who fell asleep at the wheel, caused a car accident that killed his passenger and those in the other car. He's the only one who survived. He now knows he has narcolepsy. And he lives the rest of his life wondering how is life would be different if he had that knowledge before getting in the car that day.

How can he have "no regrets"? Even though he didn't do anything wrong, those lives were still lost.

So what's the other road? Guilt, of course.

Some say he should remember those faces daily. He should question himself. He should question God. He should somehow pay back the families.

What value is there in either of these views? Either our actions or valueless or they are the only thing that defines us? Is this all there is?

I would like propose another way to deal with the consequences of our actions and our world.

I am borrowing the theological framework James Choung, the author of True Story: A Christianity Worth Believing In. All stories and analogies are my own.

Is the world good or bad? This is a very difficult question. As a soon-to-be father, there is so much of our world that I am excited to show my child. I'm excited to take them to a Mariners game, show them Mt. Rainer, teach them how to read and I am especially excited to teach them the story of God. However, I also know that Mariners players make an obscene amount of money, while millions are dying of starvation in the horn of Africa; Mt Rainer may destroy Tacoma sometime, my child may read Richard Dawkins (or Bertrand Russell) and decide that God is just a story.

Our world is confusing. There is so much that is lovely. There is so much that is disastrous. Births and deaths. Feasts and famines. Exquisite beauty and pain.

It really does seem like we live in a corrupted world. Anyone who has ever watched a marriage fail knows what I am talking about. Something that once looked so promising can become so ugly, it is unrecognizable. It's my belief that the more beautiful the intention, the more ugly the corruption.

We occupy this world, and that occupation really does effect us. Consider my friend. Even though he didn't choose to kill those people, he is effected by those deaths. They change him.

Or the marriage example; a million little pieces of corruption culminate into a broken relationship. Pornography, selfishness, angry and evil bosses that sap hope at work, abuse of a child by a family friend, financial pressure...these things all press onto a couple until they split. Some of these elements are chosen and can be controlled. Many elements cannot. Eventually the corruption of the world corrupts the relationship.

None are spared by being in our world. We encounter the beauty and the corruption. It inspires and corrupts us.

We can only live without regret when we cease to notice or care about the corruption. When we stop caring about the corruption we no longer have hope for the beauty that proceeded the corruption. When we stop caring about the corruption, we cease to have hope.

Above, I posted a picture with four worlds. I have just described the second. Tomorrow, I'll talk about the first, a world that has been designed for good.

what do we lose when we grow?

I have been listening to Jennifer Knapp's Kasas for the better part of today. This was one of my favorite albums when I was in college and one of the few Christian albums that I considered "artistic" enough for me to listen to. The lyrics are just so, so good. Knapp was a pretty young Christian when she wrote the album and it just sounds like a pure, raw confession of a new Christian. She reminds herself that "grace is sufficient" for her and pleads to be refined. She is so honest about her sin and so dependednt on grace. She sees how futile her attempts to control her life are (comparing her control to sand castles being washed away by the tide) and pleads to be brought from darkness to light.

As I listen to this record (you ever notice that you're supposeed to call albums records, even though only hipsters have record players?) I am struck by the emotional chord it strikes for me. When I listened to this album, I to was a young Christian. Knapp's confessions felt like my own confessions. As I listen to her asking God, "Can You Hear me?" I remember wondering the same thing.

I also become increasingly aware that I still wonder.

I am more mature than I was in 2001 when I was listening to this record. My theology is more sound. I use less profane language and I am significantly less likely to tell an off-color joke. Generally, I am a more self-controlled person.

But when I listen to this record, I remember the first time that I asked God for an image, and he showed my cuddled up in HIs lap. I remember saying "sorry" to Jennifer when I mocked her for being upset at STIM when she was talked down to during an exercise. I remember smoking an obscene amount of cigars with Voctor and talking about faith. I remember playing guitar with Mike until the morning paper arrived. And I remember that the time together was not really about guitar, but was actually about true brotherhood. I remember angrily crying at leaders team because a high school friend told me that I changed since giving my life to Jesus. I remember China. I remember Chicago. I remember praying with Mike and Majid about whether I should ask Donan out.

I suppose I also remember debilitating doubts, arrogant proclamations, awkward confessions, showing up to large group 2 beers into a 5 beer night. I remember making friends cry with my carelessness and hiding my lesser qualities.

Basically, I remember how raw that period life felt. I remember what faith felt like before I felt like I had to be put together. My college faith life was very tumultuous. It was full of massive back-sliding and crazy risks for the Kingdom. I wonder if I have traded vibrancy for maturity. I wonder if I can pursue both.

I mostly wonder if we lose something when we grow up. I wonder if this is all what "faith like a child" really means.

of two minds...

I love Jesus. My vision for life is "dangerously, obsessively Jesus" ("The Vision" Pete Greig). I love that he loves the wrong people, builds his church on the unqualified, tweaks religious leaders, heals, saves, affirms, listens, teaches, challenges and dispenses grace and judgement. I love that He is God in the flesh, yet defers to His Father. I love that He is God in the flesh, yet points the way to the Spirit. I love that He makes a way for us to be reconciled the Father and have the indwelling of the Spirit AND promises to be with His people until the end of the age. He makes a path for an intimate and reconciled relationship with the Triune God.

I love that He incarnated, observed, was tempted, healed, taught, died, raised from dead and ascended to the Father. I love the He is coming again to set everything right and redeem the world that was created through Him. I love that He never gives up.

I love this world. I love spring days. I love the comrade of a good frisbee game, an adventure or of a campus outreach. I love my friends, Christian and non-Christian alike. I love the way the flowers bloom in my backyard, even though I do nothing for them. I love my wife and my family. I love my cat, the Mariners, Seahawks and even that team in OKC.

I love the people who are angry with religion. I love my gay friends, my mormon friends and single parent friends. I love the agnostic professors I've met.

I love hard work. I love taking on a task that is too big for me to handle. I love reading challenging books, the bible and others. I love conservative pastors, like Joe from PBF and liberal pastors I won't name, because they don't like the label "liberal".

I love church. I hate church.

I love being with homeless people. Homeless people scare me.

I love prayer. I hate saying the same thing over and over.

I love to worship God and feel most alive when I do so. I hate simplistic songs that are more about me than God.

I want to be orthodox. I want to be unique.

I believe in unearned, undeserved grace. I believe my life is never good enough.

I believe my Father (both of them) loves me. I believe that I am a disappointment.

I believe God never gives up on you. I often think that God has given up on me.

I don't know if I believe in the Rapture. I believe every word of Revelation is true.

I believe in a new heaven and a new earth and that it is important that we start the bible at the beginning and end it at the end.

I believe in hell. I don't know who goes there, if we choose to be there or if God puts us there.

I believe in spiritual battles. I don't always now which side my beliefs are on.

I believe everyone I know would love Jesus if they met him. I'm not sure how to arrange the introduction.

I think I lose track of what's important much of the time. I think that God is good about reminding me.

I love Jesus. I love that I don't have a handle on Him. I miss Him when I wander. I want be with Him and I want to be here. I want Him here. I want to introduce my friends to Him. I want to eat with Him. I want Him to continue to blow my mind and my expectations.

I love the Spirit. I want the Spirit to lead me to hard truths. To convict me and affirm me. I want see the Spirit move with power and intimacy. I want the Spirit to teach me to pray...even if that means I need to re-learn honesty.

I love the Father. I love that He sent His Son instead of taking Abraham's. I love that He waits for the lost son (or daughter) and runs out to greet them...no questions asked.

conversion

Today InterVarsity in the Northwest is hosting an evangelistic event at Oregon State University and Washington State University. This same event will be happening at Washington State University on Friday.

I often struggle with words like "evangelism". I asked my students on Monday what words come to mind when they hear the word. "Pushy", "old men with green bibles", "televangelists" and "awkward" came to mind. My pastor loves to tell me that when he was in college an eager student rushed to tell him the Four Spiritual Laws, without first asking him if he was a Christian. Many years later he still tells this story and it obviously affects him.

But, evangelism is not inherently bad. A student whom I greatly respect, who happens to be Baha'i came to IV's Winter Conference this weekend. She heard a lot about sharing faith and the word evangelism thrown about. At first I was really concerned about whether she was offended by all the evangelistic language and I wished that the speaker would cool it a little bit. However, I began to realize that Christianity IS an inherently evangelistic faith. We believe Jesus told us to "make disciples of all nations". We believe that Jesus is the permanent passover, that he is the permanent embodiment the lamb's blood that cause the angel of death to pass over the Jewish homes during the passover. We believe that if his death is accepted, we get passed over and even better, we believe that he rose again and that he will create new life in us.

There is not much about the Christian faith that works if it held closely to the heart, but never shared. We are encouraged to share out of the humility that we are not God and cannot offer anything to the world that God has not first given to us.

Yes, evangelism is often awkward. Yes, evangelism without humility and listening, is de-humanizing and rude. Yes, when one is "sharing the gospel" we may be stepping into a world of messy history with the church and we better be ready to repent of some broken history.

But...I am a product of evangelism. I am a product of people who invited me to Bible study, shared their lives with me, never blinked when I dropped f-bombs, rejoiced when I converted and were patient with me as I figured out what that meant. Converting to Christianity is the most important decision I have ever made. It changed the entire trajectory of my life and has changed me from the inside out. I am thankful that I was evangelized to.

This morning 5 people at OSU have responded and decided to accept Jesus' sacrifice and lifestyle. They have agreed to meet other Christians and start the process of figuring out what this decision means. Unlike Saturday morning, I have no ambivalence about this. I am excited and my heart is swelling out towards OSU and the new life that is emerging there.

I would appreciate prayers on Friday. WSU students will be joined by Whitman and University of Idaho students. Staff will be on site at these Proxe stations, but students will be talking to students. Please pray that the Spirit will be bring students that have been seeking truth this year. Please pray students would be bold and full of real love. Please pray that all students who come to these stations would feel listened to and cared about, regardless of their responses. Please pray that God's will would be done, at WSU as in heaven.

Tablets

Last week my dad emailed me about a cheap internet tablet by a company name Velocity. It was $200 and my dad wanted to know if I thought that it was a good buy.

My initial response was "no way"! Obviously there is an iPad and a 1,000 cheap knock offs. However, my dad is more frugal (and less susceptible to clever advertising) so I checked it out.

What did I find? A nice little tablet that was, admittingly, slightly underpowered and hampered by the lack of Android Marketplace. The tab ran at 600 mghz, had a nice 7' capacitive touch screen and runs flash as well as an iPad (which is to say, not at all). It came packed with a Kindle app and apparently was great for browsing the internet, which seems to be 90% of the reason to own a tablet. Not bad.

A little more searching and I found a tab from a company name eLocity. This tab has an hdmi out port, a Tegra dual core processor (faster than Apple's "magical" device), bluetooth, a usb port, a removable battery and upgradable storage. Total cost: $300.

Now the point of this post is not an endorsement for elocity's tablet, the point is the power of advertising and peer pressure. It's highly debatable that internet tablets are wise or prudent purchases, but they are fun and have a certain amount of fun appeal. However, this emerging market is becoming synonymous with the iPad. Apple did this before with iPod, but anyone who likes techy toys should be very happy that Apple was challenged by competitors. Without competition, Apple would still likely have iTunes music locked out for other players and we would be paying $500 for the player itself. In spite of challenges from Microsoft, Creative and others, Apple still refuses to allow easy battery replacements.

Worse than anything else, Apple will announce a new iPad next week. Likely it will have an retina (hd) display and a front facing camera. The screen doesn't matter, but the camera does, as video conferencing is becoming the norm. Those millions of units that have launched this year will be obsolete. Call me cynical, but given how "all in" Apple has been on front facing cameras this year, it seems like they knew this change was coming. This is the definition of "planned obsolescence".

Apple is in many ways the least consumer friendly major company in the US, but they make some sexy products and clever commercials. The message that we learn from Apple is that everything they make is sexy and good, while other products are cheap and knock-offs.

And I have to confess they caught me on the tablet thing.

Deron Williams to the Nets

So let me get this straight, the Nets get a MUCH better player than Melo, for 2/3 of the cost. Crazy.

Can you imagine if the Knicks had gotten Williams? I seem to remember that elite PG's work out pretty well with D'Antoni...

Fun deadline. Now if only the Team that Shall Not be Named can pick up Randolph or Camby...

knowing

In the church we talk about discerning God's will for our lives. Often times we view discovering your "calling" to be the highest end of faith. You can't stop a Christian who knows what she should be doing!

This quest is a good one in many ways. After all, I don't think anyone is really going to argue that purposed, directed life is more pleasant that aimless wandering. I think that living for something bigger than yourself will ultimately trump just doing the next thing blindly till you die.

I do, however, worry that this quest to "know" is in some ways a dangerous one. It seems for me, knowing that I am pursuing my calling can leave me ill-equipped for hard times.

"But I thought knowing was supposed to make things easier?"

"Doesn't pursuing my calling mean that I am going to be taken care of physically, spiritually and economically?"

What is the good of "knowing" if knowing doesn't create a list of guarantees?

This mentality also leads me to endlessly try and interpret what circumstances mean. I am constantly trying to control my life and my God by knowing what a bad fundraising month, a great campus bible study, a broken ankle, a great date with Donan, or an agonizing fight mean. Everything has to have a larger context...right? Isn't the ability to make sense of life the whole point of being a Christian?

Actually, no.

Job was caught in the middle of an argument between God and the Devil. Did he get to know the larger context? No.

Abram endured years and years (and years) of promises from God that he would be a great nation. Why did God wait years to fulfill that promise? Because He did. Everything else is conjecture and speculation.

Jews (mostly) in the early part of the first century got to experience the glory of God in the flesh. Those born twenty years early didn't.

God's name is ultimately "I am who I am" and "I am" does what He does.

And that reality drives me crazy. I want God to answer to me. I want God to tell me why. I want him to give me divine interpretation for the times that I am in. And when he is done telling me why my life is what it is like, then I want him to go ahead a let me in how to best understand atonement, let me know if free will exists, whether or not there was a second shooter on the Grassy Knoll and whether or not debates about evolution or politics really matter.

He stubbornly refuses these requests.

Because I am not God.

He doesn't answer to me.

Or to you.

Or to Job.

Or to Abram.

Or to those who seemingly were born 20 years too early (or too late).

So what does God promise?

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34

Freedom.

I need freedom from knowing.

I need freedom expecting God to tell me why he does.

I need freedom from the belief that my value is directly related to how well I can answer questions; internally and externally.

God can provide for himself, the rest of us our dependent. That reality is either the terror we will run from and hide from for the rest of our days or the freedom that will set us free.

Oh God, I need to be free.

Hope

Lately God has been telling me to be an optimist.

This doesn't seem like the radical of a call. Most of my life I have been considered an optimist. Even when I was shy kid in Junior High with no friends, I am not sure that I was depressed. When I was in High School, while I was not really involved in anything, I was mostly content and occasionally happy. In college, I actually chose to hope and believe that Jesus might really not be dead. he decision put me on the path of making other optimistic choices; going to China, dating Donan, bringing up my faith life to friends and eventually going on staff with InterVarsity.

However, faced with harsh realities in life I have grown less optimistic, less childlike and ultimately, more practical.

My mind reverberates with phrases like; "realistic goals" and "incremental changes". I have even had people at my church tell that I have grown up. Their evidence? That I don't talk about changing the world as much anymore and I seem more grounded.

How do you pray grounded prayers? How can a grounded person believe in foolishness like resurrection from the dead? How can groundedness and transformation co-exist?

My groundedness is born from my deeply held desire to no taste disappointment. Too often I have watched people I love make poor choices. Too often I have believed that I have been "fixed" only to struggle again. Too often I believed in a miracle that God has chosen not to perform (at least not how I hoped He would).

So day by day, year by year my life becomes less audacious and more practical. Practicality becomes a vice grip on my lungs and I learn to breathe shallowly.

And ultimately, God becomes smaller and smaller.

So now, God is asking me to learn how to hope again. The image God has given me? A balloon.

I have become taken with the image a balloon being released from a child's hand and floating up, up and away. A balloon, completely subject to the wind has become the rallying image for my heart.

I want to fly far from the ground. I want to believe in a God who can do the impossible. I want to live an impossible life. I want to live in a disappointing world with counter-cultural, ballsy optimism. I want optimism to become as much of a spiritual discipline as praying or reading the Bible.

So I am trying to re-learn hope. I am asking God to teach me the ways of hope. I know that hope will often leave a person looking foolish and naive, but what do I have to lose?

After all, I already believe that a dead guy didn't stay dead.