Rocked by Evil

I am shaken as I write this. Like most students, I feel as though I am remarkably able to detach myself from reality, to be able to separate my head from my heart when the situation calls for it.

Today I utterly failed at that task.

The book Red Moon Rising on one level a book about the power of prayer. On another level, it is about the power of death. The first chapter plunged me deep into the world of teen and young adult suicide. My hands were shaking as I read about Kurt Cobain's suicide note expressing that he felt "guilty beyond all words". I was fighting back tears when I read about a teenager named Markus being found by his parents, dead, with only the Beatles song "Let it Be" playing on repeat serving as any explanation.

What the hell did Kurt Cobain have to feel so guilty for? How can Markus expect others to simply let it be? How long are we going to let it be?

I am 24 years old. I realize that most of you reading this are about my age. I am not okay with the fact that if someone I know who is my age dies, their is a better chance that they killed themselves than by any other cause. I am not okay that suicide is worse among us in the western world than any where else. I am not okay with the fact that with all the money, entertainment and time that we have, we still struggle to find a reason to carry on.

And I am not okay that I don't have any answers.

Recently I read an X-Men comic, which should be no surprise to anyone. In the comic, a teenage boy named Wing had recently been "cured" of his mutation that allowed him to fly. Wing was struggling mightily with who he was if he wasn't able to fly. What was his identity? His purpose? He felt like little more than an anonymous face. Wing walked to a high cliff on Professor Xavier's property. He was with a friend. He asked his friend what she would do if she lost her powers. She coldly answered, "I would jump". Wing took her advice. Later in the comic it was revealed that he was not on that cliff at all. It wasn't real. His friend wasn't real. It was all created by a holographic chamber called the "Danger Room". All that was actually real was his feelings of anonymity and his body laying dead on the ground.

Who is telling us to jump?

Less than a minute after reading this section on suicide, the radio at the coffee shop I was at began to play the song "Let it Be". The song awoke me from my thoughts. I felt like all of my questions, my anger and my sadness had been heard. Some will call this a coincidence, but not me. I feel like God encouraged me to keep asking these questions, to keep caring. I truly believe that this evil is not unconquerable. I still have questions, anger and sadness, but I was also reminded that I have hope. I have a reason to pray.